I thought Kindergarten would make my life easier. I knew Spencer and I would really miss Lance, but I didn't realize our days would be so weird without him. It's awkward. I'm glad he gets so much time in a learning environment, but his personality has changed. Which means our relationship with each other has changed. I don't know how to talk with him without him snapping at me. I don't know what stories are true or which ones he's made up. I feel like I don't know him anymore. I miss knowing everything about him.
And I swear I'm the most boring parent ever. Poor Spencer. He has to stay home with me.
So, this phase of life is extremely uncomfortable for me. I'm currently reading "Children: The Challenge," and have "The Everything Parent's Guide to Positive Discipline" on hold at the library. I thought I would have done so much more with my kids or taught them more by the time Lance started KG. I know my kids are worth it. I know I'm worth it. I know my family is worth it. So I will continue to read and practice everyday.
Balance. does that really exist. ever?
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7 comments:
Veronica, hang in there. You are a great mom. And as my mother-in-law always says, your children were sent to YOU for a reason. We don't have to provide perfect lives for them, because they were sent here for the experiences that they need in YOUR family. You have a lot to offer your children. I am so glad that I got to know you at Westgate. You have an incredibly generous spirit and I know that blesses your children. Just take it day by day.
love, anna
(and no, I am not sure balance exists with three young kids. survival is a pretty good aim :)
Maybe this is just the transition phase and it will smooth out in a week or two. I'm guessing your kindergarten is full day? Maybe he's just really worn out by the end of the day.
And you haven't failed your kids! Another book you might want to read if you get the chance is Lighten Up by Chieko Okasaki (sp?). It really helped me a lot when I felt like I wasn't quite measuring up.
Here's a little line from it:
"Ed and I are both converts. We had to decide on our own what kind of Mormons we were going to be...What's the principle? Teach your children the gospel. And what's the practice? That depends on your needs and wants and your family's needs and wants.
Should you have one child or eight? Should you have cookies on the counter every day after school? Should you unplug the TV set? Should you never spank? Should you sometimes spank? It depends. These are practices, options based upon needs. You get to choose what works for you and your family. So lighten up! Lighten up about yourself and about other people...
Work towards perfection without berating yourself for not being perfect yet....Ideals are stars to steer by. They are not a stick to beat ourselves with." p. 25
You know, maybe I am old school, but I think spending time and having fun with your kids is way more important than how smart they are or how much they know compared to the other kids. So don't feel bad Veronica. They will learn what they need to and don't feel bad. You are a great mom and your feelings are echoed through a lot of other moms out there too. I think we all feel like we can improve in some areas. Nobody is perfect.
Sorry to hear about the KG thing though. That would be weird to have my child's personality change that much. I'm sure its just a phase though and you'll both adapt and figure it out.
veronica, don't worry. you are such a good mom. having three young kids is SOOO hard! (i can only imagine...) i have one and a little too often find myself flustered and oh so tired. so give yourself some credit. you're amazing. especially considering all the changes/moves/new envrionments you've successfully conquered this past year of school. lance is probably having a hard time adjusting to ALL those new things that come so fast! i hear kids act weird/ rude/ not themselves when they're stressed or have changes in their lives. i'm sure it's a phase. Lance is such a good kid, YOU should be taking the credit for that because you're his mom.
I really do look up to you. Keep up the good work.
Every mom feels the same way at times so thanks for being honest and opening up.
Change is hard. I'm not looking forward to new phases (I am but I'm not). It's always easier when you KNOW what you're doing and when you KNOW what to expect. And it's not too late, you can still teach them what you want them to know.
But what do I know...my child is only 9 months old.
I just put my baby in kindergarten and I don't think you ever really stop saying, "I wished I would have done more while they were at home." I said that when Jordan went to school, but I don't think the kids go away saying, "I wished my mom would have done more." I think they are generally happy and content and ready to move on to the next stage in life.
It's a wierd transition though, but just enjoy them at every stage of life and you'll be doing enough!
V-I totally understand. School is a hard transition. Blake just started too, and his teacher said to just expect melt downs for the first couple months. That helped me a lot because his temper has definately enhanced ten fold! I'm hoping its all just a stage like everything else:) And before you turn around, Spencer will be in school too, and then you will be wondering what to do with all your time:) Its such a strange thing. Sure miss you!
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