Do you remember when?

When I was growing up my parents had a few "Mormonad" posters hanging in our hallway. I always appreciated the one that said, "It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice." Can't say I practiced this back then, but it's a phrase that's more meaningful to me now more than ever before.

There have been times when a select group of older kids at the playground have "picked" on Spencer. At first I didn't think anything of it. Kids are kids and sometimes they're ruthless--no big deal. (I remember having favorite friends and I also remember hating when my siblings tagged along with me. I wanted my friends all to myself).

You know how it goes though, the usual taking of toys just because they're bigger and outnumber him. Then, "Hey Spencer, chase us!" only to run away and laugh at him. Then, "Hey Spencer, come play with us . . . and you get to be the bad guy!" None of these "games" are really that big of a deal, except that he feels excluded. He's just too young to understand them. So, he just hangs his head down, walks away and plays by himself. Sometimes he cries, sometimes he yells at them and sometimes he just wants to sit on my lap or have me push him in the swing--which I'm more than happy to do. It just makes me sad when people pick on each other.

I've come down pretty hard on Lance when I witness his involvement, which is almost every time. Aside from long, agonizing talks, what can be worse than watching everyone play, but not be allowed to play with them?! So, his consequence is to sit in a long time-out, listen to me ramble about acceptable vs. unacceptable and watch Spencer and the other kids play.

I've told all the kids that they need to be nice to each other and include everyone in play. If they can't do that, then Lance doesn't get to play with them.

I know I'm partial to my own children, but I really do want everyone to treat each other kindly. I try to make sure they're all being nice to each other, but I don't hesitate to remind them how awful they feel when they're being picked on. I don't like anyone to feel hurt, so I give them the "remember this feeling when others want to play with you" speech. Will it sink in? I don't know, maybe not until they're parents and have kids of their own.

So, on a more positive note, I just want to say I was thrilled when I saw this.


This is one of Lance's main attractions--Damlah (sp?). They play together all the time, sometimes exclusively. It just made me so happy that she was playing with Spencer this day. It reaffirmed to me that ALL of these kids are great kids--they just need some good parental guidance every once in a while.

Hey, even I'm in need of guidance, I hardly claim to have the best behaved boys on the block!
(4-16-08)