i love these

i wish i could eat a package a day. no, seriously. i do.

i've been eating better since moving to florida--promise. it helps that i'm one of the few without a perfect body at the beach. everyone works out. no one eats. . . much anyway. don't like the sound of that. i know i need to lose 35 lbs. i just hate what i have to go through to get there.

a little background: i like to indulge. in secret. so, if there's an open package of say. . . oreos, they'll be gone before morning. brian has learned to hide his treats from me. i, on the other hand, can't handle hiding treats from myself. i always give in. so, i just don't buy them. or make them.

that said, i went to target yesterday in pursuit of a swimsuit. yeah, i know. nursing mom, 35 lbs. overweight. not a good combination for beach wear. but i've been out of the water far too long since arriving here. needless to say, no suits fit, so i opted for the built in sports bra exercise top. and the reinforced exercise skort. close enough to a tankini. i can at least nurse at the beach now. (i'm getting to the point of the story i swear).

so, i'm walking around target and around every corner i see oreos. mmmmm. so, i take a stroll down the cookie isle. brian likes to keep tabs on me to help me with my "fitness" goals. (lose weight no matter what i eat or do...hehehe) really, though, he tries to help. but i really wanted those cookies. mint oreos. there's no better cookie. my world turns around these little gems.

i think to myself, "how am i going to get away with this? i do have a suit to purchase, so i wouldn't have to enter a separate receipt into our budget. brian would never know. . . oh yeah, we itemize. that won't work. wait! i have cash. i can buy them with cash and throw away the receipt. yes, this will work."

i pick up a package. i stroke it. but i realize that i won't be able to eat the entire package by the time i get home (we live right across the street from target). so i put the package back. but i still want them. so i look around for a small package. you know, the one with 6 cookies. no luck. so i go back to the package i set down. i pick it up again. i'm thinking, "o.k., if i don't eat them all now, where can i hide them so he won't find them? not the van, we're going to the beach, he'll find them. cupboards? no, he rummages through those daily. my closet? won't work." i pretty much went through every possibility and realized i would have to eat them all and destroy the evidence or not buy them. sad. it just wasn't going to work out.

so, i'm holding the package and stroking it. staring at it. wishing i could eat them all. but, i put them back. i walk away. but i just can't resist, so i go back. i pick them up again. i feel the weight on my hand and i just stare. but then i think about the beach. eating those oreos would give me no less than 15 new dimples on my rump. can't do that to myself, so i put them back. i walk away.

for good.