A New Challenge

I have neglected this blog for a LONG time.  Oh well.  I am making it public again because I've joined a raw food challenge, and as part of the challenge I've agreed to publicly blog about it.

Week 1: 21 Day Raw Food Cleanse

Day 1:

I'm beginning this cleanse feeling scared but excited.  I know I have weight to lose, and like every other time I begin something kind of extreme I feel both hesitation and thrill.  I was introduced to the raw food movement almost 6 years ago and have dabbled in it a bit over the years.  As a family we've changed a large portion of the type of foods we eat.  We buy very few processed foods, we buy a LOT of fresh fruits, vegetables, and nuts, and we homemake almost everything else we eat.  For the most part we have a really healthy diet as a family, but as an individual I am really addicted to sugar, which has led to weight gain over the years.  I have 4 kids: 8.5 boy, 6.5 boy, 3.5 girl, and 15 month boy.  After the first 2 were born I lost most of the weight, but kept 10 pounds from both pregnancies.  After my 3rd was born I lost all the weight plus some from her.  After my 4th was born I struggled to have the motivation to lose the weight.  4 kids for me was not such a hard transition of numbers--it wasn't harder to take care of another person--but the stress of motherhood (like it always has been for me) made it really easy for me to turn to treats as a relief when the kids were napping or in bed for the night. 

After visiting a friend for a week (my baby was 4.5 months old) I lost 11 lbs eating a really strict diet with her.  Each day was just a piece of fruit for breakfast, LOTS of water, and a salad and strawberry smoothie for lunch and dinner.  That was hard for me, but good incentive to keep going.  Then I went home and decided not to keep going.  :)  Then 2 months before my youngest was 1, I went on a diet with my husband for 2 months and lost another 15 pounds.  That put me at just a couple pounds heavier than after my first was born, so it had been almost 8 years since I had been that weight.  It felt good, but then December came and I wasn't about to go through the holidays without desserts and other foods I loved and only ate during the holidays.  Then December went and I didn't want to stop eating all those treats, they were too good.  I knew, after gaining a couple pounds back, that I needed to do something pretty extreme, so I read about the 21 day raw food cleanse from thegardendiet.com, and after learning that I could earn the program for free just by ordering the program, blogging a before and after picture, giving a testimonial of it, etc. I decided to give it a try.  Let me tell you, there is no incentive for me to follow through with a program than getting my money back for it!

So, here I am.   

Day 1: 155.7 lbs., obviously bloated and tired.

I usually go to the YMCA for my exercise, Kickboxing 3 times a week and a strength and endurance class the other day, so I didn't feel a need to do the exercise videos from the program.  My kids were sick though, so I didn't go to the gym today.  Loved the fresh OJ for breakfast and was surprised at how full I was!  Tabouli for lunch was fine, but would have been awesome without the parsley.  I have never liked fresh parsley.  For dinner: guacamole with jicama.  I love guacamole but I do not like jicama.  The unfortunate thing about this is I still prepare dinner for my family.  This particular night we had the LDS sister missionaries over for dinner, so I made the Cafe Rio Pork Barbequoa burritos for them and the rest of the family.  I resisted, but stinks to be me right now. . .

Day 2: 154.5 lbs.  Still feeling left out from dinner, but committed to the program. Determined to stay the course.   Breakfast: fresh grapefruit juice--yum.  Loved it but had to divide it up between a couple hours, too much volume for one sitting.  Lunch: a simple salad--it was huge and kept me full for the rest of the day so I didn't have room for dinner.  Missed out on the Kale with salsa. . . I'll use this another day. The family had a salad, the simple salad recipe from lunch, since I thought it was so good.  They each had 2 hard-boiled eggs, they smelled so good.  Feeling like I really miss breads and heavy proteins right now. . . what I would give for an egg. . .

Day 3: 153.4 lbs.  Getting excited about the weight loss, but I know it's mostly water and waste weight.  Breakfast: OJ banana smoothie--Oh my, I'm really relearning the sweetness of fruit.  This smoothie was so satisfying as I'm getting used to eating less.  Lunch: Celery Chowder--honestly I was skeptical.  I feel I'm pretty open minded about food, but I've had several raw food dishes that claimed to be just like the cooked food.  They always disappointed and have kind of turned me off to trying new raw food recipes.  But this one was a winner.  I loved it, it really did taste like a chowder and I loved the flavor--really good recipe, definitely a keeper and one to try on the rest of the family another day.  Dinner: apple pie.  I didn't prepare this like a pie, I just food processed it all together and made a sweet, chunky applesauce, really yummy. 

Tonight the family had homemade Chicken paneang.  Man that smells good--really hard to resist this favorite recipe but I will.

Day 4: 152.1 lbs.  Excited at the weight loss and anxious to see tomorrow.  Breakfast: OJ Banana Strawberry smoothie.  Mmmmm, that's good, and I was glad for more fruit since today I did kickboxing for an hour.  Intense class, felt awesome.  Lunch:  Totally disappointed!  It was pate', which in and of itself is a great recipe, I really liked the flavor, but it was only a half cup!  I was SUPER hungry from the intense workout (I would have been anyway), so I added a huge cucumber.  Felt a bit of sadness creep in and deprivation at not having the food I normally eat.  Dinner: Zucchinigetti--I did not like this recipe.  I have had zucchinigetti before, with a different raw food recipe made with sundried tomatoes--really good.  But, I wanted to stick to the plan with exactness to be fair to the program.  I ended up food processing it all together, since it was just a couple ingredients--it turned out to be a salsa consistency.  I was so disappointed, and already feeling upset from lunch.  Half way through I felt full and started gagging so I just swept dinner aside and called it a night.  I made my own fresh limeade sweetened with Stevia in the Raw and went to bed feeling a little relieved.  Felt really left out during dinner, especially sitting at the table eating among them but not with them.  Tonight the family had homemade spinach curry.  Feels hard missing out, but empowering to resist.  I'm learning I have more strength than I give myself credit for. 

Day 5: 151.9 lbs.  I didn't expect a huge drop, but I'm still excited to see a drop at all!  Brealfast: Orange-Grapefruit juice--Yes please and thank you!  It's my all time favorite combination.  Such a filler too.  Lunch:  Almond milk.  I am still nursing my almost 15 month old baby, and having gone through this week without all the foods I love and yearn for, and after having feelings of sadness dealing with myself without the sugar, I ended up adding strawberries to the almond milk.  I just wanted something more substantial and didn't feel bad adding strawberries to it.  Dinner: Bok Choy and dip--but I didn't have this, I somehow mixed up the recipes for day 5 and 6, so I had cabbage and pineapple.  I knew I wouldn't like the slaw recipe so instead of cabbage, carrot, and pineapple shredded together I had cabbage with a drizzle of olive oil, and salt and pepper, pineapple on the side.  Family had homemade spaghetti sauce with meatballs and salad.  Smells SO good and I really hated that I committed to a 21 day program, but I didn't break for this.  Another day, another time. . . I stayed strong. 

Day 6:  152.1 lbs.  Really?!  Not happy about the gain, not quite sure why either.  I've drunk a lot of water this week, haven't snacked on anything between meals. . . hmmm.  Went to the gym for turbokick.  Man that felt good.  Hoping for a great weight loss tomorrow.  Not a lot, just expecting the numbers to drop some.  Breakfast: Orange-Grapefruit juice, since I didn't have Manderin Oranges.  Kept me alive during the workout!  :)  Lunch: I had some left over cabbage and pineapple from last night's dinner so I finished that off, plus made the salad for the day.  My watercress was filled with snails and half of everything was eaten away by the critters--I was grossed out so I threw that out.  I had romaine and bok choy instead.  Started feeling a little sick to my stomach and couldn't finish the salad.  Dinner: Since I already had the slaw the night before, and since my stomach was still upset from lunch, I just had a green smoothie: water, spinach, strawberries, and half the pineapple core from cutting the pineapple from the previous night.  I was hungry so I drank it, but went to bed feeling really bad--nauseous.  Our whole family went to the blue and gold banquet for scouts, so they all ate dinner while I sat at the table.  Kind of embarrassing to not eat, got some attention for it.  I like making healthy choices, but feel really left out in public.  For dessert they had icecream with chocolate sauce and cookies galore!  I loved smelling the sugar--the weird thing was I wanted to watch and smell as my husband ate them.  I kept asking him to eat more just so I could smell what he was tasting.  I was disappointed when he said he had had enough.  bummer.  After the kids were in bed my husband went out with his brother while I watched a movie to forget life for a while.  I was distracted by the movie and that felt nice. . . although I missed the popcorn.  Is there such thing as "raw food popcorn?" :)

Day 7: 153.3 lbs.  SERIOUSLY?!  I was upset and shocked by that number for 2 reasons.  1. I exercised really hard saturday and drank a lot of water. 2. I felt sick most of the day, so I didn't eat much, certainly not the amount of food given in the recipes!  Totally bummed out by that number.  Still feeling sick today and breakfast was orange-manderin juice.  I didn't have manderins, so I decided to use 4 oranges and 1 banana instead.  My stomach did NOT agree with that so after a few sips I gave the rest to my kids.  Lunch:  Still feeling nauseous and starting to bloat in my stomach, but hungry.  I was supposed to have Gaspacho today, which prior to feeling this way sounded really good, I was really looking forward to this meal.  I couldn't stomach the thought of eating it, so I made homemade guacamole instead: avacado, red onion, lemon juice, a little salt and pepper.  Just ate it by the spoonful but my stomach was really twisting and I started gagging so I quit eating.  Tried to take a nap but stomach felt so bad I couldn't sleep.  I haven't eaten much the past 2 days and yet my stomach is really bloated, weird.  I was supposed to eat another simple salad for dinner, but feeling the way I did I couldn't imagine eating salad.  I had 1 apple instead.  The family ate homemade garlic bread and salad: romaine, craisins, avacado, apple, and a choice of either feta or cheddar cheese.  Smelled so good, and since I was nauseous I was really envious of the garlic bread.  Whenever I'm sick I rely on bread to get me through, it's calming to my stomach, but I didn't cave.  Staying the course because I committed to.  I also went to a scout meeting where they served brownies.  I collected 2 and brought them home to my husband.  He says I have nerves of steel, but like last night I just want to watch and smell as he eats them.  That's weird behavior right?

So, I'm on to week 2 tomorrow.  As bloated as I feel I am scared that I'll weigh more tomorrow, which doesn't seem right or fair for having eaten so little and resisting all the food I make for my family.  I haven't cheated even once this week, which is empowering, but frustrating when the numbers don't show it.  I have kickboxing tomorrow morning and I plan to step it up at the gym the rest of the week.  My kids are healthy so I'm able to go again.  I better lose a few lbs. this week!  I won't cave for anything!

Someone I really support.

She was my college roomie. I'm so glad I got to know her. She released a CD 2.5 years ago and after having a baby was inspired to make a lullaby album! She composes her own music (plays piano and violin) and this time she worked with her mom! (violinist) And now the much anticipated 2nd Cd,



is available for purchase!!!! Yay Jenni, you've accomplished so much! Please listen here for a sample of her work, and if you love it, support her if you can!

In her own words:

"It's been 2.5 years since I released Key of Sea and it's high time I release something new. I'm so excited to announce that my new album, The Lullaby Album, is coming out this week.

This was actually a collaboration with my Mom, Carolyn Southworth, which makes this project extra special for me. We've been hard at work on this project for the past year, and I think it has turned out beautifully. We are very proud of this album and excited for all to hear it.

This album is unique in that it is being presented in a special 2-disc format; Piano with Orchestra, and Solo Piano. We feel that the Solo Piano is perfect for calming at bedtime for children, while the Piano with Orchestra is wonderful for adults to listen to, as it is served up with a bit more power and "oomph". So this album really is intended for everyone, no matter what age.

The album features 13 original and traditional lullabies - some you might know, such as "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star", "Goodnight My Angel", "I Am a Child of God" and more. We've also featured some fantastic artists including Emmy Award winning pianist/composer Jace Vek, Ourstage Grand Prize Winner Jillian Goldin and Ourstage multi 1st place winner Lori Cunningham, along with the engineering talents of Grammy Award Nominated producer/musician Paul Speer."

Visit to learn more!

YAY JENNI!!!

We're Here!

Yay! We've arrived, we love our new place, but b/c of a terrible sickness that we've all had (which has kept us out of commission for the last week), we're just barely getting the house put together. Just wanted to give you a heads up that we now have Internet again! (gosh, a month and a half without Internet, it's weird. . . ) haha.

I had a LOT of work to do. Lots of organizing and unpacking. So, I won't have time to blog for a while, but check back in a couple weeks and I'll post about our apartment and slowly about our trek out here. :)

Later! V

We're on the road

for about 3 more weeks. Don't know when I'll have a chance to update this blog. So much to catch up on. :)

Popsicles

Spencer wanted to make Popsicles the other day. So, we juiced a few oranges and a grapefruit, poured the juice in the little containers, put them in the freezer and they couldn't be ready fast enough!

These were left-over. Perfect snack.

The other day Ivy froze her hands b/c she wouldn't let me teach her how to hold it. She held it by the frozen juice part. But today? She let me show her.

So.

Darn.

Cute.

1.09 spencer's new bike

It's all rusty now, thanks to our Massachusetts humidity. But here he is, in all his glory. And I should have clarified before, he is NOT angry. This is his "rough and tough, lean, mean, hulk fighting machine" look. :)

going out.

We went to sweet tomatoes before we left Florida.

2 mentionables. . .

First, what's different about these 2 pictures?

I had some stains on my skirt, so I soaked it in oxyclean. . . but forgot about it for a week. After washing it, it looked so white and new, and I thought "Yay!" So, I wore it out to lunch. Then I held Ivy. She jumped around a little and next thing I know my thigh is hanging out. I had only been up to the salad bar once at that point. . . and who only goes up once at an all you can eat?!

So, I improvised with our camera bag. Luckily we had taken it. haha.

Sadly, the skirt barely lasted until we got home. I took it off and it was practically in shreds. Non-salvageable. Darn. I really liked that skirt. It's probably already decomposed in the land fill by now. I guess I have to be careful with that oxyclean!

Next, lunch was free for me. Yay! Talk about a bang for the buck.

A little history. . .

I always find stuff in my food--hair, mainly. I'm notorious for it. I think everyone would find more in their food if they paid attention. But alas, I seem to be the one to end up with "the goods" in my meal.

This time was no different.

I was saving the best bite for the end. As I put it on my fork, and almost to my mouth, I noticed my broccoli was moving. "uh, that's not normal," I thought. And upon reinspecting my food I realized it was a creepy, crawly, green bug. Sick. I couldn't eat anymore. Brian took my plate up to the manager and the manager (bless him), said, "oh, that again," (What? this happens often? haha), "which table are you?" he asked. And he was about to give us all a free lunch, but we just didn't feel right about that. So, my lunch was free. After Brian told me that, I decided bugs aren't so bad. . . when they're free. . . so I headed back for more! haha (controversial? haha)

2nd to last stop.

maybe we had the best friends in florida. yep, I think so. they took us boating a couple weeks before we moved. mmmmm. so fun. so amazing. thanks peeps. fun to know ya!

and then we stopped on a little island. maybe it was really cold. and maybe all those shells were really sharp. but maybe we liked it anyway.

alright, no maybes about it. we had a great time! :)

and then we fished. well, jeff fished and i reeled it in.

and then jonah and lance reeled in another one.

and then we let them go.

and then the boys went to bed. and sometimes, that's the best part of the day for me. :)

yep. they're social. they don't want to miss a thing. not a thing before their lids shut. and then it's dreamland. . .

it makes me tick.

I don't feel like I have a lot to talk about with people, I don't mix well. It's understandable given the croud I try to mix with. . . um, can you say "really smart people," who study all day long every day? Yep, I don't mix well. Picture me (stay at home mom with my own children as my primary interest and concern), at a party with 50 engineers. who also graduated is a masters in business. from MIT. Yep, awkward! I feel like the only thing I have to talk about are my children. I'll be honest, it's all I do. And people tell me to broaden my horizens and find ways to "fill my well" outside of motherhood, but motherhood IS what fills my well right now. And being better at mothering and nurturing my children are what makes me feel successful. It's my business. my career. It's what keeps me ticking everyday. It's what I can talk about. Don't try to talk to me about politics. for some reason I have just NEVER been interested. It doesn't mean I don't have an opinion. It just means I won't talk about my opinion b/c HERE, in bean town, I feel like I have to have a source to back up everything I say. So, I jsut keep my mouth shut. I think I'm more silent now than I ever have been. What's that saying? Something about, 'the more you talk to sound smart the more you reveal your ingnorance. . . smart people listen" . . . or something like that? Well, I have learned to keep my mouth shut. Not b/c I'm smart or informed on the matter at hand, but b/c I probably don't know any better anyway. Yeah, conversations stall pretty quickly with me here in beantown. I'm comfortable on the playground though. And I like people. I might not have much to contribute to a conversation, but I have questions! So, I like to learn about people. The only way to become more like them is to learn more about them.

I want to be calm, happy, kind, patient, in control. I want to be eloquent (but darnit, I'm not there yet), and have a beautiful attitude. I want life to be sweet and fun. I want a clean home, happy, inquisitive, confident children. I want them to be obedient, but not b/c they fear me. B/c they love and respect Heavenly Father and learn to trust that I'm trying to do His will. I want them to know the good and choose the good b/c they are happy when they do. Not b/c they'll get "in trouble" if they don't. We are happy when we choose the right. We are free when we choose the right.

and here are some things that help me. things that make me tick.

baby wearing, holding kids, singing, brite music, shepherding a child's heart book and lectures online, reading lessons, homework (homeschooling possibility)--just exploring different options, playground, scriptures, regular FHE, talking to the kids like they ARE my best friends. friends, family, reading others blogs. knowing there are other options. park. dinner together. cleaning together, READING, goal charts, explaining things in detail. talking about heavenly father and jesus a LOT, including them in our lives. Teaching our children that we are trying to do what he wants us to do and that we're not their enemy or just bullying them or bossing them around. taking pictures to remember. remembering that they were given to me for a reason and I was given to them for a reason and we all get second chances. admitting I make mistakes--"I did that wrong, let me try again." getting advice from other people. networks ARE important outside of business school! haha

I can't say a lot about myself other than I am a mother. And I'm so blessed to be a mother. I love being a mother, even on the hard days. Here are some things that get me through those hard days and help me be even better on those good days.

I feel most successful when: I read to my kids, we clean together, we talk about things, we play together, I have meal plans and we choose healthy options, when I teach my kids about nutrition and THEY make the right choice--ex: we went to a party last week and they only had a few options for food. BBQ pork, mac&cheese, fatty sausage. Lance wanted the sausage and I said, "sure, you can have it, but can I show you something?" "Yeah." I lifted him up and pointed out that all the little (and some BIG) white spots in the sausage were actually chunks of fat. "It's o.k. with me if you choose that, but I just wanted you to know." "Yeah. . . I won't have that." he said as he looked down, head sagging. (and for some reason I felt bad!?) "No, really Lance, you can have it, I just wanted you to know, that's all!" "No mom, it's just fat, I don't want it anymore." and so it goes...

having universal consequences when "natural" consequences haven't been thought out. . . building trust. hearing and repeating phrases I've learned from friends. I didn't think of it and often it's uncomfortable to say, but the more I say it, the more it becomes a part of me and my kids expect it and say it back to me. :) calming tense situations through song. taking away the tv, signing time.

The resources seem endless and I feel like it's impossible to get to everything I already have at my fingertips. I just wanted to share what makes ME tick, what works for our family and what makes all of us the most happy. :)

Ivy :: 8.5 months

When she's happy, her tongue sticks out (curved up at the end--with a point),

and she sings "lalalalalala."

When she's distressed she cries, "mamamamama."

She army crawled at 5.5 months, on all 4s at 6.5 months.

She's been pulling herself up to stand for quite some time. Now she walks along side objects and occasionally stands on her own.

When she plays, she loves to kneel.

She smiles at everyone, laughs at most and lunges for people when she's really excited.

She does NOT have stranger anxiety.

She has a distinct scream when she wants me to rescue her from the boys.

She weighs 20.8 pounds.

She loves to jump. When I hold her in my lap with my hands under her arms, she jumps several times, then weakens her knees and buries her head in my chest and laughs. Over and over and over.

She loves bath time.

She still wakes several times a night to feed. I know, I need to sleep train her.

She hates getting strapped into her car seat.

She loves to explore and has no fear of wandering far away.

She has never eaten "baby food." She eats fresh fruits and veggies, cut up.

She has 2 bottom teeth.

She has green eyes, brownish hair.

She is happy. All the time.

She makes all of us laugh and smile. All the time.

What in the world. . .

are these?

Will I ever post again?

I don't know. I just have too much to do. Too many other things I'm concerned about. And I've stopped taking pictures since we moved. I got out my camera yesterday, lance was all bundled and playing in the snow. Fun boy. But that's it.

I'm still unpacking. It's slow going. But I'm almost finished. Now I need to mop the floors (still haven't done that since we moved in...yuck.) Wouldn't be so bad if it were just our grime, but it was messy when we moved in. I guess I'm just telling myself Ivy will have a stronger immune system b/c of it.

I know, now that I'm a mother of 3, even I'm astounded what I'm willing to let go. Priorities. I keep telling myself that. haha.

later. v

Well, I didn't get it done.

I thought I would have more time to sort and post pictures. But the day has come. We're packing the trailer (shhhh, don't tell brian i'm on the computer--I'm supposed to be checking on the kids. . . ), we have family pictures on the beach in 1 hour and 40 minutes, we're going out to dinner to celebrate our time here in sun-shiny state, and we have a million other things to be doing to prepare for our 8am departure tomorrow!

I can't believe how fast this internship has come and gone. We're heading back up to boston (to arrive on the 27th of january), to finish Brian's schooling (to graduate in June) and really look forward to seeing our friends and living at westgate again.

But, Florida now holds a very special place in our hearts and we'll miss our friends here WAY TOO MUCH. I'm sad to leave such good people, but in all honesty, good people aren't scarce. They seem to be every place we've been. :) I'm glad for that.

Alright people, wish us luck as we make our trek back up to frigid temperatures and a school that takes way too much of Brian's time away from us. This really has been a 7 month vacation! We've loved it here and we're thankful for wonderful memories!

See all you Bostonians soon!

the kisbys are out!

Spencer has an imagination.

He uses it every day.

Backlogging--making gingerbread houses.

It's in the title. We made gingerbread houses. I'm just now getting around to sorting pictures. I figure since we're moving this coming saturday morning and I won't have internet access--at least blogging access--for a couple weeks, I may as well do some catching up. :)

This is my first time ever baking gingerbread. It was fun. I really wanted to let the boys help me roll it out and cut shapes, but the dough was more sticky than I thought it would be. And lets face it. I just couldn't give up the control of having near perfect shapes for our houses. They got to decorate them at least.

For the rest, the pictures speak for themselves.

Brian did help with getting the structure to stand, but the boys did surprisingly well decorating their own houses. And eating all the frosting. And then asking for more. But there wasn't anymore. Because they ate it all.

I waited until it was the children's bedtime. And then I let Brian put the kids to bed while I decorated. In peace. And quiet. Thanks Brian. :)

I don't know why we don't have pictures of the boys houses. Oh yeah. . . they trashed them before I could get the finished product. Oh well. To kids it's just a cookie, frosting and candy. Who cares what it looks like.

It's no tropical cabana, but mine was the tastiest of all. I'm sure of it.

And this little guy? I have to say he must have been most impressed with my house as well. His eyes are popping right out of his head!

December twenty-sixth.

beach. sunshine. warmth.

ivy sleeping. boys playing with dad. swimming. splashing. taking pictures.

eating oranges. grapefruit. carrots. drinking water.

meeting new people.

spencer playing in the sand.

lance kicking a beach ball. ball floats away. bye-bye beach ball.

happy. thankful. excited.

sunburns. smiles. tears.

clear sky. ocean sounds.

sand castles. collecting shells.

family. love. joy.

perfection.

because i love them.

I was once given advice from a friend that I've come to appreciate greatly. It was advice she was given by her mom and although not originally intended for me, it was something I needed to hear. I'm surprised at how much I've revealed in the past in my blog. My struggles mainly. I guess b/c I'm not talking to someone's face it feels like a "tell all" journal. A place I come to to let out my frustrations, excitement etc. Although I've received many helpful and encouraging comments, I realized after talking to my friend, that I didn't want to be so negative about my boys.

The advice. . . "you need to stop writing negative stuff about them or they'll come to believe it and become that person." I guess I always assumed that if my boys didn't "know" any better about my writing about them, then there wouldn't be a problem. I assumed that if I didn't say anything to their face then they wouldn't be able to become something other than decent men. I feel I was wrong in those assumptions. Mainly b/c actions speak louder than words. I don't tell them they're "rotten boys" or anything like that. (I don't feel they're rotten either...), but they see me struggle every day. They can see that I have no idea what to do or how to react to certain things and it excites them. Unfortunately to the point of disobedience quite often. But, I'm betting that a lot of their behaviors spawned from my expectations, even IF I never verbalized those expectations in the first place.

My expectations were never that my boys would be disobedient. Rather, that they would do something (probably mostly out of curiosity than anything else), and I wouldn't know how to handle it. They sense that and act accordingly. We all know kids are smart. We all know they understand more than we think they do. (Even though we know that...) I really think they don't mean to "act up." I do, however, think they sense my own insecurities about myself and my role as a mother and act on that. Anyway. . .

I was thinking a lot this morning about this. I was wondering how to make things different. I was thinking of all the people I could call or email about it and then I thought, "I'm going to dedicate a blog to them, because I love them." So, here I go.

Lance. I love you. I love you because you're kind, funny, affectionate and inquisitive. You're intelligent, you're artistic and creative. You're outgoing and you find a friend in anyone. You have a great memory and speak fondly of those you love. I love you because you love me. You give me hugs and smooches, you help me when I need it. You pick up your toys and put away your clothes. You're good at cleaning the toilet, tub, and doing the dishes. I love you because you want to play with me. I love you because you're a creator. You're going to go far in life. . .I love you b/c you love to snuggle with me, read books with me, draw with me, chop veggies with me, ride bikes with me and sing and dance with me. You're such an entertainer. I love you because you try, even when things are hard. I love you because even when you sneak something you tell me the truth. I love you because your imagination is WILD! You're so much fun. I love your courage in sharing the gospel--unfiltered! Your faith astounds me. I will miss you when you grow up.

Spencer. I love you. I love you because you're sweet and tender. You're strong, you can do most things for yourself, but I love that you let me help you. You're a softy inside. I love you because you have a huge heart and you aim for acceptance and approval. I love you because you use your imagination. I love that you have an imaginary "baby bee" (who is by the way, always responsible when something bad happens.) I love you because you're a jokester. A good jokester. You're jokes are hilarious. I love you because you forgive me and want me to be happy. I love you because you're brave. I love you because you remind me of the Savior when I need it most. You're always talking about Heavenly Father and Jesus and I love that about you. I love to hear you talk with them, especially when you don't know I'm listening. I'm excited to see the man you will become but I mourn how quickly our time together will pass. I will miss you too, when you grow up.

I hope I remember all the things I love about my boys every single day. I hope my expectations of them are always high and that as their mother I nourish their minds and hearts. I hope their earthly experience with me is fulfilling. I hope that no matter how quickly time passes or how fast they "grow up," that they'll always remember how much I love them. I hope they feel it, even when I am frustrated. I hope I teach them well enough so when they are out on their own, they make the right choices. I hope they always remember Heavenly Father and Jesus and develop a strong, personal relationship with Them. I hope when they get married and have children they will remember their time with me and improve upon that. I hope they are a better spouse and parent than I have been. Nothing wrong with improvement right?! :) I hope they always have high aspirations and accomplish great things in their lives. I mostly hope that no matter how long we all live in this life, we will be united eternally. I know we can be, I just hope we will.

You know what show I love? The Cosby Show. I aim to be that kind of parent, but really, . . . is that even possible? I love that show.

The end.

the hooded towel.

No, this is not what's up my sleeve. I've had a few people ask me how to make these and thanks to Diana for showing me how--I can now show you! Seriously, this is the simplest project I've ever done.

And then I forgot to take a picture of this next step, but seriously, I think there are plenty of pictures. After cutting the tip off, press together and zig-zag the edge of that open seem there, (the cut edge of the hand towel that runs down the center)--this keeps it from fraying.

In my history of making these towels, (all in all about 4 now), I have broken 4 needles. These babies are thick.